Hello fifty year old Star! A lot has happened these last three years and you accomplished so much! You survived that dreadful upstairs neighbour and a depression unlike anything you'd felt before, and came out of it striving for better health overall. You've gotten yourself mostly out of debt and seem to be a bit more financially careful. You've even been able to travel more lately - back to Dublin and exploring more of Ireland plus out to Ohio in Phineas, your zippy lil' 'rolla Hatchback - to spend time alone plus time out and about with the Coleman gals. You're still hooked on documentary films and audiobooks and all things "Hart to Hart". You're living at the same place for now but it's much more homey and the lack of noise from the neighbours has been blissful. Jackson is (can you believe it?) fourteen and so tall! He's still fun to hang out with and hasn't gotten sick of me yet. Lucy is ten and still the sweetest girl in the world. She's cheering and has fun seeing Jackson play drums for school. I love seeing them and we've had the chance to make so many new memories together. You were finally able to shed those few extra dozen pounds (lol) and can finally wear all those cute clothes you've been hoarding for decades. Things are definitely better. Maybe they won't improve and you'll have to go with Plan S, but maybe not. At least there's options! Keep staying positive and especially KEEP MOVING! Dick Van Dyke knows what he's talking about. Try to keep going and I'll be back here in the past rooting for you and crossing my fingers!
The only thing on this list I remembered after writing it was that if I got a new or new-to-me car, his name would be Phineas and would have to be a Toyota Corolla Hatchback. When sweet lil' Roark was dying and I was looking for a new ride in April of 2025, I was determined to make one thing come true for me before I turned fifty. Phineas was it.
Also, Lucy loves that Jackson plays drums but she definitely does not like going to his performances - the noise level is too much for her. Oh, and he is crazy tall. Already 5 feet 11 and a half inches!! But I so enjoy seeing the two of them together and how they are more like brother and sister than cousins. They genuinely love eachother. Earlier this year I was talking to Jax about how some kid was bullying our sweet girl and he went into big brother protective mode - "What's his name? I'm gonna beat his ass." I'm so grateful that the world's kindest little lady has the best guy in the world on her side.
I did drive out to Ohio in October of 2025 in Phineas and was able to catch up with Autumn, Molly, and to see Maureen one last time.
In March of this year I spent a little bit of time of Dublin with Isabella - one morning of walking around to our favourite spots and one day where we checked into a hotel, showered, and went to bed at 3:51pm. Ha! (We were both exhausted.) I loved showing Bella around Antwerp and introducing her to my favourite little spots, the delights of Belgian waffles and frites, plus I got to check out a few new-to-me places, like the Cathedral. We had five full days in the city and mixed up relaxing at the flat and talking, with shopping and wandering around the world's most beautiful city. Getting there and then back home was rough as hell, but in the end, completely worth it. It was a great way to celebrate my upcoming fiftieth birthday with one of my favourite humans ever created.
For right now, I'm taking the down time that I have to really fix up all the things in my life that are broken and in need of repair. Letting go of people that don't seem to show up for me, getting my home organised and in tip-top shape, spending more and more time with my niblings and dearest friends, and taking care of my body in a way I never had before. I want to read more, write more, maybe get my stories published at last, and most importantly, focus on accepting me and improving what I can, while striving to carve out a pocket of happiness where I feel safe and loved. I want nothing more than to revisit this post a year from now and be in a truly beautiful place in my life, where I am at peace and feeling better than ever. Here's hoping!
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