Tom & Irma, Irma & Tom

In an effort to be more organised, at least regarding photos, I'm going through allllll the shoeboxes in my closet that are full of random pictures. Some I took, while others were inherited from Nana Irma and Aunt Berne. Here's a few of my darling grandparents. To me, they were the ideal couple. They are still the classiest people I have ever met in my life.

July 25 1955 - Tom, Irma (in a gorgeous swimsuit!!!), & Russ Kern

At one of their fabulous homes, most likely from the early 1990s.

LaSalle Grad - Chesterbrook - 1966

Cape Cod

At my parents home, probably from the late 80s.

February 1984

On the back it reads: Roy's christening 1957 Holy Martyr's Church - Father Krol - Edie's coat! Walt gave me

Were they a beautiful couple or what?

High School Collage

In Spring of 1994 we had a project for Behavioral Science where Mr. Sax wanted us to do a collage of what made us who we are or what things we like best, basically something that shows our personality. Then he would try to guess which collage went with which student. Admittedly, mine is not great. It's lame as hell, being made up essentially of celebrity boys I thought were cute and celebs in general that I liked. Plus friends and family. I mean, the RHCP, The Wizard of Oz, David Caruso, and John Belushi? What a fucking dork...how I had friends at this point in my life is just beyond comprehension. God, this is terrible. 

The photo I took of it is a tad blurry, but I'm glad I snapped one since I dismantled it soon after, so that three decades later I could see it and absolutely cringe.

(OH MY GAWD!! In the lower right corner of the photo is the old kitchen floor at my parents' place from when we first moved in!!)

Lisa & Lauren, Lauren & Lisa

On my Dad's side of the family I only have two girl cousins, Lauren, who is only a few years younger than me, and Emily, who is about ten years younger than me. Growing up Lauren and I tending to get matching outfits from Nana Irma, which I wasn't crazy about, and we two gals were always huddled together during family events, chatting and playing with our Barbies. Lauren and I are very different people but she is a truly good person and although we never became bestest besties like I had been with Marina, it was so nice to stumble across a mini stack of photos of the two of us through the years.

1984 (Also, I have that mirror.)

Labor Day weekend at Alverthorpe Park - September 2nd 1990

Definitely October for Nana's bday...in our old house in PA...maybe 1981?? (I have the bag that Nana is holding.) Look how cute and blonde I was!!!

Probably Memorial Day or maybe Fourth of July - Big hair for me plus MC Hammer shirt...most likely circa 1990/91

I think I'm wearing Kathleen's pants in this photo so I'm guessing it's senior year of high school, probably Spring 1994.

With Nana and Grandad

October 5th, 1994 with the sweetest grandparents ever. Who never judged when their eldest granddaughter messed up in life, gained weight, flunked out and had to go to Summer school twice, shaved their head the day before high school graduation, dyed their hair purple, or basically just never lived up to their potential. They always treated me like I was the greatest thing since instant mashed potatoes and never made me feel like they were disappointed that I wasn't girly or boyfriend-less or had loads of ambition and made something out of my life. They were exceptional grandparents and I miss them and I miss feeling so totally accepted and loved.

The Eulogy I Never Gave

When Nana passed away in 2019 I wrote out a eulogy, knowing I would never get up and read it. So I posted it on the funeral home's website. Part of me wishes I had gotten up and said something, but at the time, it was not worth the anxiety attack. But here it is:

I'd like to say that I'm going to make this brief but that's just not gonna happen. Ninety seven years deserves a bit more than just a paragraph. So here goes. Irma was, like all of us, a complex and unique individual. She was real and flawed but at her core Irma was a good person. She was funny without realising it, was endlessly proud of her three sons, Tom, Alan, and Roy, she was kind and caring, and most significantly there are few people who doled out over-the-top and original compliments as often as Irma. (When she first met my niece Sydney when Syd was eight she gasped and said, "You have thee most beautiful eyebrows!" More recently she looked at a photo of my mother from the 90s and exclaimed, "Rose, you look like a movie star!") No one got away from Irma without a compliment and a huge ego boost. 

She absolutely adored children - especially those with red hair and was extremely lucky to have Lauren, Emily, and Peter as grandchildren. Oh and she made it known to one and all her disappointment when Emily had the audacity to dye her hair black as a teenager. 

Irma was accepting and open minded - a quality that is usually quite atypical of her peers - she moved with the times. She had a wonderful ear for music and I was particularly delighted when she fell in love with the Godfather of Punk, Iggy Pop's version of "We Have All the Time in The World". Few people in their 90s were as cool as Irma.

Irma's interests were vast but I most remember her love and appreciation of films such as "Gone with the Wind" (her first movie date in 1939 with future husband, Tom), "The Firm", "Midnight Run", "Now, Voyager", "Three Days of the Condor", "Shall We Dance", "The Catered Affair", and "Mad Love". Along with her interest in films came an admiration for current Hollywood's male leads, her favourites being Skeet Ulrich, Chris O'Donnell, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, and Benicio del Toro.

Aside from music and movies, Irma, in the early years of my life with her, played tennis and bridge, as well as enjoyed traveling to places such as California, England, Italy, and Jamaica. She had a keen eye for antiques and no matter where she lived, her homes reflected her gift for interior design. Irma also had a fabulous fashion sense and dressed impeccably from head to heels well into her 90s. As my friend Michael said of her effortless elegance after meeting her for the first time, "My God, she's like a Kennedy!" 

Irma's photography skills were legendary in our family, often taking snapshots of people with their heads mostly out of frame, random tables at fancy restaurants, or everyone's favourite - shots of just body parts, like Baby Christopher's chubby knees. Just his knees. Equally charming were her comments in photo albums beside the pictures. The ones that stand out for me are of her son, Roy, in the 1980s decked out in a tux. Beside it said: "Best Man - gorgeous!", then the little wallet size photo of Irma and her sister Merc in Center City clutching several packages, that read "1944 - Wartime but still shopping". Another was a series of several photos of the store bought "Welcome Home Alan" sign that hung on the house on Burton Road. Why she felt the need to take so many photos of the sign, rather than pictures of Alan (just back from Vietnam) with his friends and family perplexed me. I asked her about the series of pictures of just the banner and she said, "Oh yes! That sign cost ten dollars." Sometimes her not making sense was the funniest thing about her. However, she redeemed herself by then gushing at how sweet Alan was to go into town and have professional photos taken of him in his Green Beret uniform. The photo was always proudly displayed in all of her homes.

Irma did not have a terrific childhood, and I remember her talking about her mother-in-law, Esther, and how fond she was of her because Esther was the sort of mother that Irma had always wanted but sadly never had while growing up. Esther was a caring woman and Irma's admiration and loyalty to Esther was never clearer for me than the time I spent an afternoon with her and my grandfather when I was about 15 or 16. We had ordered pizza and Nana Irma said, "You know, my mother in law made such good pizza." Grandpop swatted her comment aside and said "Ehhh, her pizza wasn't that great. You exaggerate about her cooking." Mildly enraged and completely affronted she shouted, "Your mother could make B.M. taste good!!!" Gross.

Irma also gave solid life advice, like the time when she went to pick up Lauren from grade school and saw her kneeling in front of friends, one of whom was a male classmate. Once inside the car, Nana chastised her, saying, "Never kneel in front of someone unless they're a statue!"

Irma was an integral part of my extended family, my mother's side of the family as well as my parents' friends and their children. One of my favourite Nana moments was when my BFF Amy graduated from the University of Richmond; Irma mailed her a card congratulating her on her achievement and enclosed a five dollar bill.

Living in New Jersey in her later years allowed Irma to see a lot of her youngest great-grandchildren, Jackson, Ana, Adam, and Lucy and to become an even more important part in my life as well as Emily's. I know I speak for both of us when I say how lucky we were to have become so close with Nana in these last few years.

In closing, I suppose that the picture I want everyone to have of Irma is a realistic one, not a make-believe sort that paints her as perfect or a saint, because that does her a great disservice. Irma was gutsy, loving, she made mistakes and voiced her regrets, but she was that rare creature who recognised her short-comings and grew from them, not with them. That is a person to love and respect. 

Uncle Bud's Medals

When Nana Irma gifted me all of my Uncle Bud's possessions, these medals were among the items in an old suitcase that belonged to Bud's wife, Blanche.

Leaving for Japan

Not sure if Nana Irma would approve of my sharing this letter...but it's a lovely time capsule of the early years of her marriage to Grandad Tom while he was in the service during the Second World War. It was no secret that he absolutely and completely adored Irma to the ends of the Earth. She loved him in return but never with the same passion and intensity as he had for her. This letter was particularly touching when he mentions having seen a stage show that was put on for the troops and wishing to have seen it with his bride. A lot of his letters during the war mention his daydreams of her; seeing films together, decorating their home, and mostly just being together doing every day things. He was a romantic to the core and I wish that he had lived for as long as we had Nana Irma. 

7 Sep 45

My Darling:

Well we are still waiting for the word to load up on the planes and take off for Japan surely we must go to day. The first battalion of the regiment pulled out last night and we are allready and packed up waiting for the word to leave.

Last night I saw a wonderful stage show it was a Marine show with Dick Jurgens orchestra, they are all in the Marines and they certainly did knock themselves out and put on a grand show. There was an excellent ventriloquist, several good comedians and the band played some really good music. The movie that followed disappointed me somewhat it was Here Come the Waves but I did not think it was up to Bing Crosby's or Betty Hutton's standard.

No mail today darling from you I got a paper from Marjorie Koch but that was all, yesterday not being very busy I wrote a lot of letters I answered Lorraine's letter also Jeanne Bloger's and Ray Kern's and I dropped a letter off to mother besides writing you that long letter. If I have time after I finnish this I will write to Mercedes.

Whenever I see a good stage show it always make me think very much of you how I would have liked to see that with you and enjoyed it together then we could have gone home grabbed a bite to eat and talked it over and then to bed. My darling do you know that I believe you will develop bed sores for a week or more I need you so much that way and every way. It makes me very happy to think that you miss me in that way or have you forgotten those wonderful nights. If it meant as much to you as you made it seem why I can't see how you could have forgotten. You are such a wonderful wife in so many ways, beautiful, intelligent, a good conversationalist and a magnificent bed partner, I am proud of the fact that you are my wife I believe it is my biggest asset.

So long for now darling I think of you constantly and adore every little thing about you soon I may be once again by your side at least it wont be too long it is near enough in the future that we can think about it anyway and a few months ago we darent even hope that our meeting could be so close.

All my love

Tom

The Pink Elephant

In September of last year I was going through some of Nana Irma's photos that I inherited and noticed some books on the shelves beside the fireplace. The only one I could make out enough to decipher was The Pink Elephant by Donald A. Semisch. I hopped over to Abe Books and picked up a near perfect used copy for $23.99 total. When it arrived I looked it over and saw that it was published through Whitmore Publishing in Ardmore, PA on Cricket Terrace. Then it got me thinking...what if the author was a friend of my grandparents and that's why they had his book. I texted Uncle Alan to see if he had any info and he broke the mystery! (I added this to my must-read list for 2024!)

ChocoCat Photo Wallet

I used to love going to any shop that sold Sanrio goodies, like the old Zany Brainy store, and would always seek out their little pocket sized photo albums. This one I still carry with me in my bag. Some old photos sit side by side with the newest latest.

Miss Lucy's sweet school photo

Me & Rachel: 29 Oct 1993 before seeing Nightmare Before Christmas - Atco Multiplex & 12 July 1992 in Ocean City, NJ

Me and Kathleen: 9 March 1995 Pulp Fiction & 2 October 1993 The Fugitive - Atco Multiplex 

The Five: 17 March 2019 The Quiet Man - The Colonial Theatre 

Dave and Me: 4 November 1978 & Me: possibly Fall 2000

Amy, Me, and Rachel - Spruce Street Philadelphia - 6 July 1994 (I still have that shirt!)

Little Jackson!!

Godsisters with Godmommy Gina - April 2014 & Me in Disney World October 1986

Jaeden 16 August 2015 & Zach, Jax, Syd, and me - 23 December 2018

Isabella Class of 2017 & Kayla Class of 2018

Nana Irma and Aunt Mercedes 1944

As a Girl "My Favorite..."

This was one of the pages that Nana filled out in a book my mother got that was called "Grandmother Remembers". Most of the info I already knew except for her fave books, radio program, flower, and school subjects. Anytime I can learn new things about someone is a good day.

Song - Moonlight Serenade - Jimmy Dorsey

Movie - Gone With The Wind

Actor - Clark Gable

Actress - Loretta Young

Book  - All Nancy Drew's books - as a child "Heidi"

Radio Program - Lux Radio Theatre

Season - Autumn

Vacation spot - Cape May

Holiday - Christmas

Flower - Violets

Color - Blue

Sport - Tennis

Food - Turkey, etc

Subject in school - English, JBT (Junior Business Training)

Friend - Bea Davis

Inky and Alan

I love this photo of Uncle Al and Inky from August of 1956. The viewer of the photo immediately knows that Irma happened to look over and see Inky patiently waiting at Alan's side while he ate, knowing what Inky was thinking and grabbed her camera to snap a photo of it. A bold, bright day over 65 years ago during a time that is long since passed, in a home that now looks nothing like this, sat a nine year old boy and the family's beloved dog, and a mother moved to capture this small moment. I love, love, love, that years and years later, she remembered the occasion and wrote the message on the back of the photograph for me to see and read. 

Inky hoping for a crumb from Alan

What a great camera I had!