Beverly Sutphin Meets Hyacinth Bucket/Boo-kay

I love this mash-up between John Waters' Serial Mom and the hilarious Brit telly show Keeping Up Appearances.

Waters Wisdom

Saw this on IG a while back and it's a great reminder that life was NOT better when we were young. It was just different. So get out there and have some stinkin' fun!

John Waters Pillow

I bought this fab Tees4Togo t-shirt a couple years ago but it just looked dreadful on me. So I bought a pillow insert and in December I chopped it up and sewed it over said insert. The best part is that it doesn't matter that the image is wonky and tilted and the different coloured thread shows, because if John Waters is anything, he is unique, and so his pillow should reflect that!

Back in the Director's Chair

Oh my gosh, a zing! like lightning shot through me this morning when I stumbled across this post on IG about my favourite Baltimore native:

I hope it's true!! Even though it wasn't my fave John Waters book, I desperately want this man to get back behind the camera at least one last time!!

I want this so baaaaaad!!!

How cool is this fab John Waters portrait that I found on ThrowbacksStore's Etsy page?! I covet it with utter desperation.

June 2022 Books

* All That Heaven Allows ¹ by Mark Griffin - I started off Pride month by reading a biography of Rock Hudson. I thoroughly enjoyed the stories that shaped the man but it dealt way too much with Rock's closeted homosexuality. I wish it had focused mainly on who he was rather than who he slept with. 

♥ All In ¹ by Billie Jean King - Back in October of last year I was at Inkwood Books, in the back, looking through the dented and discounted titles. "Ooo...there's a hardcover edition of BJK's new book...I don't really need it, but let me check the price and maybe..." It was a first edition, with a tiny tear on the cover's corner, and it was five bucks. Oh, and it was a signed copy. SIGNED for FIVE BUCKS! I own something that Billie Jean King touched. How cool is that? 

Liarmouth ¹ - by John Waters - Clearly I had to purchase a signed copy of the hardcover from Atomic Books and the audiobook, since John Waters narrates. This story was all over the place crazy. While I prefer his non-fiction, this book was fun and I could so see it being made into a film.

♥ Wanderer - One of my favourite books. I've always felt that I was following behind Sterling Hayden as he painted a picture of his life on the sea and in the film industry. His honesty and character are something it seems only men of the past possess. Absolutely engrossing.

* This Time for Me ¹ - by Alexandra Billings - I ended Pride month with a book celebrating a pioneering transgender woman who I have admired for years. The book was wonderful and Alex's narration was perfect. This gal has been through so much in her life and continues to stay positive and bring light into everything she does. 

¹ - audiobook
² - abridged version
* - liked
♥ - loved
Any unmarked titles were, in my opinion, so-so.

Audible Email

Not terribly long ago I decided to do my best to have Audible try and make some of my audiobook dreams a reality. I sent off an email and actually got a real human reply. How nice is that?! Even if they never record unabridged copies of Dominick Dunne's books or fulfill any of my other requests, I just feel grateful that someone read what I wrote and is sending it off to the department that could consider them. 

Hello!

I'm fairly obsessed with audiobooks and have a few suggestions. Maybe they're possible, maybe they aren't, or maybe I should mind my stinkin' business, but I feel compelled to share them with you in the hopes that my Audible dreams will one day come true. Here goes: 

• I would love to see the unabridged works of Dominick Dunne narrated beautifully and perhaps draw people's attention to his fantastic writing. His novels are page turners and with the right narrator, a new group of people might fall in love with him, as I have.

• Next, I was looking at my Andy Warhol Diaries and thought, "Hmm...I wonder if anyone has ever bothered to tackle this beast and set it to an audio version..." Might be worth thinking about.

• One of my favourite FAVOURITE audiobooks is Jules Verne's "Around the World in 80 Days" but it MUST be the version read by Jim Dale. I was able to listen to it through an old copy my library had, but it was a bit sketchy and scratched. If Audible had this, I would buy it instantly so I could listen to it again and again. It is that phenomenal.

• Lastly, and this is a very long shot, I have this day-dream of my fave authors, actors, narrators, etc, reading some of their own favourite books, be they novels, children's stories, non-fiction, doesn't matter. I mentioned this to John Waters when I met him for all of four glorious minutes a few years back. I love his books and he does an incredible job narrating. He is himself a huge fan of the written word and it would be so cool for him to read an oddball book from his "best of" list or even just whatever is on his nightstand. Something like this would give an artist's following a chance to see what makes them tick and also give new life to some books that have been all but forgotten.

Thank you so much taking the time to read this rather long note and take care,

Lisa Star

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for reaching out. I'm so happy to hear that you really enjoy your service. I have read through all of your suggestions and I understand where your heart is at.  I have taken your requests and properly routed them to our publishing rights team who can determine if we are able to acquire the content. If in the future you have any other content suggestions please feel free to send them over to Content-requests@audible.com. The appropriate teams will see your request and see if the rights can be obtained to get the audiobooks made.

I hope this helps!

Sincerely,

Jon

Fortitude

I decided that this year I would resist the urge to buy, buy, buy. I know that constant purchases of books and silly things will only make me happy for an instant and that by fueling that empty happiness I am plunging further in to debt and getting nowhere with my actual life. Today this new process of stopping and realising that the item will only bring fleeting joy was put to the test. In my search for an inexpensive hardcover edition of Dominick Dunne's The Two Mrs. Grenvilles I came across a signed copy of his book, An Inconvenient Woman. It's off Etsy and is ridiculously reasonable. So much so that I can't believe it's for real. Do I need it? Nope. I already have a copy. Is it particularly beautiful. Eh, it's leather bound, so not vegan, and a little too classy for my home. Would I like to own something that Dominick Dunne once held in his hands? Hundred percent. I have a handful of books signed by the author but the ones I really cherish are the ones signed to me. (I'm talking to you, John Waters, Armistead Maupin, and Bruce Campbell!) Those are special. Owning this book would be fantastic, but I don't need it and so I have to summon the stick-to-it-ness and let someone else buy it. 

(book available for purchase as of now via daisylaneantiques)

ps - I completely forgot that I had ordered a hardcover copy of The Two Mrs. Grenvilles back in mid-December but only received it on January 13th. Good thing I didn't find another copy. ;)

Cha-Cha Heels for Christmas

Healing Those Early November Blues

It's a Monday. It's 2020. I was stuck taking calls all day at work. Tomorrow is Election Day. What is a girl to do to feel a sense of calm in this truly mad world? She snuggles down under tons of blankies in her favourite chair and reads Peter Cushing's memoirs while David Suchet in Poirot plays in the background. 

The People You Love

Mum
David
Stacey
Lucy
Wayne
Xavier
Mary
Syd
Zach
Jackson
Ashlee
Sean
Bailey
Avery
Amy
Bishop
Bryan
Terri
Juliette
Shane
Godmommy Gina
Aunt Berne
Lina
Anne
Kayla
Jaeden
Isabella
Natalia
Dr. Davis
Uncle Alan
Uncle Roy

Aunt Vicky
Uncle Phil
Rick
Karen
Maureen

Autumn
Maggie
Emily
Ana
Adam
Peter
Marina
Jason
Melanie
Lauryn
Nicole
MJ
MeMom and Pop
(honourable mention, since I don't know these famous people, but they still make this universe a wonderful place to live!)
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Martin Clunes
Kathleen Hanna
Bernie Sanders
John Waters

List of Good Things

• simple things such as a sesame seed bagel with Miyoko butter and Crofter's strawberry jam (mmm....)
• watching classic movies on the big screen with someone who has never seen them
• daydreaming - always and forever the best thing
• when a baby reaches out for you to take them then lays their head on your shoulder (one of the best feelings on the planet)
• opening my mailbox and discovering a card, letter, or postcard that manages to instantly make me smile and turn my whole day around
• that cool breeze on a hot day that makes it a little bearable to be out-of-doors
• meeting someone you have admired from afar and finding them charming and kind (I'm lookin' at youse, Ann Jillian and John Waters!)
• going to my local market and seeing an employee's face light up when they recognise me (Bonnie at Wegman's and Alex at MOM's are two ladies whose smiles brighten my shopping experience and make me float on a cloud of happiness the rest of the day.)
• sitting in the kitchen at the old house with Mum watching You Tube clips of The Graham Norton Show and cracking up together
• a productive day off of work where I check off all the "to-do's" for the day and have time to put my feet up and watch old eps of Columbo

Last July

Somehow I neglected to post this last Summer. Let's call this a "#laterpost", shall we? So here is my favourite Summertime bag, which I bought on ModCloth in June of 2018. I wanted something bright and cheerful for the season and didn't even realise that I was buying a rainbow purse during Pride Month. It's huge and perfect and I get loads of compliments from all genders on it. Note that this is not a 100% accurate post for two reasons, one, I feel like I usually have way more crap in my bag, and two, I didn't take photos of the inside of my Alexander Henry Ghastlies pouch (it's under John Wick 2). I use it to hold my iPhone, which I was using to take the photos, and the only other things in it are a notecard from Kayla and some blank index cards. Basically, you ain't missin' much.

(photos from July 7th, 2018)

June 2019 Books

Complex 90 ¹ by Mickey Spillane and Max Allan Collins - The only good thing about this book was listening to Stacy Keach. This was the first Mike Hammer book that I really just did not like. But I won't give up on him! (Worth noting was the description of "a tall blonde agent in his early 30s": "He had that kind of blandly handsome face that didn't look like it had had much use." HA!)

Here Is New York ¹ by E.B. White
The Lottery and Seven Other Stories ¹ by Shirley Jackson
* The Rainbow Comes and Goes ¹ by Gloria Vanderbilt and Anderson Cooper
Beezuz and Ramona ¹ by Beverly Cleary
* Mr. Know-It-All - The Tarnished Wisdom of a Filth Elder ¹ by John Waters - I adore this man, there's no getting around that, and I was thrilled to receive my hardback copy (signed - thank you Atomic Books!) and even more excited to listen to the audiobook version, which I purchased off Audible. A lot of what was in this book I already knew from seeing interviews, going to his live shows, and reading his other books, but it was still great fun to listen to JW tell me all that he knows!

* The Body ¹ by Stephen King - I saw Stand By Me when I was about eleven. Aunt Berne forgot that the film was rated R and not acceptable for the eleven and thirteen year olds who were never permitted to watch films outside of the proper age range. The only things I really remember about this movie was Chris, River Phoenix's character, my being grossed out to the max over the pie eating and barfing scene, and then the two new words I learned: balls (as in the command to that junkyard dog: "Sick balls") and tits (Kiefer Sutherland, who was loathsome in his role, to say the least, talked about a girl only letting him grab her tits). To this day I really do not care for either of those words. Then there was the leech scene which scarred me for life. I had seen The African Queen years before and if something could make Bogie shake with fear, I instantly intuited that leeches were terrifying. If memory serves, the night we watched Stand By Me I couldn't fall asleep and walked downstairs to my mother, who was surprised at my being up so late, and told her with complete seriousness that I thought there was a leech on my balls. Ah, youth and ignorance. Anyways, I summoned my courage this month and listened to The Body. All the boys seemed to have lousy families so this book was far from a feel good read, but good writing is good writing. King's stories may not always be my proverbial cup of tea, but the man can tell a tale like no other.

Murder at the Vicarage ¹ by Agatha Christie - Meh. Miss Marple is kinda dull and Richard E. Grant's narration was the only thing that made me listen til the end.

1922 ¹ by Stephen King - This Stephen King story was mega depressing. The cow falling into the well was almost too much for me, but I listened to the end. Eh. Next time I'll stop when I want to and be totes okay with throwing in the towel.
We Have Always Lived in the Castle ¹ by Shirley Jackson - Try as I might, I just really don't like Shirley Jackson's stories.
The Magician's Nephew ¹ by C.S. Lewis
♥ The Garner Files by James Garner - When I first read Jim's book I hadn't seen Rockford or Maverick. I thought it was time to give it another read and it was so much better this time around. When he mentions Stuart or Luis or Jack Garner I know exactly who he's talking about and can see their faces in my mind's eye.
* Julia Child: A Life ¹ by Julia Child and Alex Prud'homme - This was a wonderful book that spanned the life of a fascinating woman, however I do not agree with her love of foie gras, which is as revolting as shark fin soup and veal, and all should be outlawed.
♥ Part Swan, Part Goose: An Uncommon Memoir of Womanhood, Work, and Family ¹ by Swoosie Kurtz - Swoosie is one of those gals that you see at every turn. She is so fresh and talented and I've loved every role I've ever seen her in. Her memoir was engrossing and absolutely worth buying so as to listen to again and again.

♥ Alanatomy ¹ by Alan Carr - Anyone who has seen Chatty Man instantly wishes to be besties with this adorable man. He did a fantastic job as narrator and, like John Waters, it's as though he's telling you a story and not reading from a stack of pages in a recording booth.

¹ - audiobook
² - abridged version
* - liked
♥ - loved
Any unmarked titles were, in my opinion, so-so.

My Valentine's Date with John Waters

What's a sad, lonesome spinster to do on the day dedicated to love and romance? She gets in her Mini Cooper and drives to Baltimore to sit alone at a table for two, surrounded by couples holding hands and listens to a seventy-two year old homosexual artist talk about whatever is on his mind.

After the show in the parking garage's elevator a young guy saw my purse and said, "Is that supposed to be a spiderweb on your bag? I like it." Then the girl standing next to him (she wasn't with him though) said, "I have that same bag." I look over and holy shit! She's got the same exact bag in her hand! I said to her, "ModCloth, right?" "Yep," and nodding to my bag as the doors open asks, "On sale, right?" "Heck yeah," I told her and then we wished each other a good night and I was alone with the guy. He said how sometimes he gets jealous that girls can carry bags because if he could, he'd be toting around all of his crap. I suggested, "Get a briefcase - you can rock that shit!" That scored a chuckle and as he got out on the 6th floor I told him to take care and he said, "You too, and happy Valentine's day, sweetie." So nice! I love little moments like that with strangers. Makes the world seem kinder and less enormous.

bonus: check out the Valentine I got from two of my favourite fellas:

AND, I woke up yesterday morning to find that both Barbara and Michel received their V-Day cards right on time!

Thank You Letter

At the beginning of the month I sent this note to John Waters, care of Atomic Books. I hope he received it and smiled while thinking of how much he is truly loved by random strangers.

John Waters' Fridge

2018 Books Read

For the past several New Year's Days, I always think to myself, or write down: This year I am going to read more. Well, 2018 was my year to make resolutions and do the hell out of them. Check out the below brag post that shows all the books I read. Note that this includes A LOT of audiobooks but damn it, those count, too!

January:
* Remy Sneakers vs. the Robo-Rats by Kevin Sherry - From the man that created The Yeti Files! This book was a super cute way to kick off the year.
In Bed with the Devil by Lorraine Heath
The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt
* Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh - John Waters recommended this book and it was a solid read. I really identified with Eileen and so did not see the ending coming at all.

February: 
* The Bitch by Jackie Collins
Wicked Intentions by Elizabeth Hoyt
* Princess Diarist ¹ by Carrie Fisher - This was great because Carrie Fisher recorded the audiobook and had her daughter, Billie Lourd, read young Carrie's diary entries.
The Taming by Jude Deveraux
* Again the Magic by Lisa Kleypas - The one that got me crazy hooked on Lisa Kleypas romance novels. I spent all of March reading only her books.

March:
Marrying Winterbourne by Lisa Kleypas
Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas
The Devil in Spring by Lisa Kleypas
It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas
* Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas
Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas

April:
♥ Enter Whining by Fran Drescher
♥ Dog Man by Dav Pilkey
Scandal in Spring by Lisa Kleypas
♥ Gangsta Granny by David Walliams
Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth by Warsan Shire
* I Loved Her in the Movies ¹ by Robert J. Wagner
She Persisted ¹ by Chelsea Clinton
Go Set a Watchman ¹ by Harper Lee - No surprise that I prefer To Kill a Mockingbird, but I thought that Reese Witherspoon did a really good job narrating the audiobook version.
Big Magic ¹ by Elizabeth Gilbert
♥ Along the Way by Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez
♥ Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself ¹ by Alan Alda - Alan Alda. I mean, how can you go wrong? You can't. I wish he wrote more books.
abandoned:
The Bigfeet: Attack of the Kraken by Kevin Sherry
On Bowie by Rob Sheffield
The BFG by Roald Dahl (I just couldn't get into it....)

May: 
Hello Stranger by Lisa Kleypas
The Science of Kissing by Sheril Kirshenbaum

June: 
* High Styles by Buddy Walton
My Lady's Choosing by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris 
Smoke and Mirrors by Michael Faudet - I loved Michael Faudet's Dirty Pretty Things but his last two didn't spark with me like I'd hoped. So I passed those on to Kayla, who adored them.
* Remy Sneakers and the Lost Treasure by Kevin Sherry - a fun follow up to the Robo-Rats and I scored a signed copy from Atomic Books in Charm City, author Kevin Sherry's hometown (psst....I read online that he was born in South Jersey, though!)
♥ Dog Man: Unleashed by Dav Pilkey

July: 
Things Are What You Make of Them by Adam J. Kurtz
Here We Go Again ¹ ² by Betty White - Betty White does a fab job of narrating her books but I wish this was an unabridged reading.
What We Carry by Dorianne Laux - Ani DiFranco mentioned Dorianne Laux a while back and her poems are unique and lovely.
♥ Demon Dentist by David Walliams
* Fight Back and Win ¹ ² by Gloria Allred - Again, as with Ms. White, I would have preferred Gloria Allred to have performed the full version of this book. That said, it was wonderful to learn more about her life and the challenges she has met and conquered.
Nightmares! ¹ by Jason Segel and Kirsten Miller 
Earl Takes All by Lorraine Heath
Oddfellows Orphanage by Emily Winfield Martin
* If You Ask Me by Betty White - I really liked this book and it was a super fast read. Betty White is just seriously too cool.
In Such Good Company ¹ by Carol Burnett 
* The Broom of the System by David Foster Wallace
Knight of Desire by Margaret Mallory
Soft Magic by Upile Chisala
Sharing Good Times ¹ by Jimmy Carter
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy ¹ ² by John LeCarre - John LeCarre was superb and gave each character their own voice and likeness, but I'm still not smart enough to follow this story.
Notes from a Small Island ¹ ² by Bill Bryson - Meh. I preferred Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods which had me crying from laughing at every turn.

August: 
The Viscount and the Vixen by Lorraine Heath
♥ Tales of the City ¹ by Armistead Maupin
How to Think More About Sex ¹ by Alain de Botton
* Dog Man: A Tale of Two Kitties by Dav Pilkey
Nancy Drew: The Hidden Staircase ¹ by Carolyn Keene
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde ¹ by Robert Louis Stevenson
Nancy Drew: The Secret of the Old Clock ¹ by Carolyn Keene  - I'm on the fence regarding Laura Linney (I liked her in Tales, couldn't stand her wimpy-wishy-washy character in Love, Actually, thought she was dreadful in Mystic River, then liked her in Kinsey - I'm all over the place with my opinion of her.) but she was fresh and energetic in her reading of Ms. Nancy Drew.
Paddle Your Own Canoe ¹ by Nick Offerman
Seeing Voices ¹ by Oliver Sacks
Vengeance Is Mine ¹ ² by Mickey Spillane
* All in All ¹ by Stacy Keach
* Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
* Murder on the Orient Express ¹ by Agatha Christie - Kenneth Branagh narrated the audio version and did a spectacular job. I couldn't stand his film version but his performance on the audiobook was spot-on.
Yes, Please ¹ by Amy Poehler
Gift from the Sea ¹ by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help ¹ by Amanda Palmer
♥ More Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin
abandoned:
Status Anxiety ¹ by Alain de Botton
House of Tomorrow ¹ by Peter Bognanni

September: 
Cautionary Tales ¹ by Stephen Tobolowsky - This was a short lil' book by Stephen Tobolowsky and as you may expect from him, it was pretty damn funny.
♥ I Must Say ¹ by Martin Short
♥ Further Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin - This was without question one of the best of the entire series. I was sick in Dublin, sitting in bed under the blankets, surrounded by mugs of tea and crumpled tissues completely unable to put this book down.
♥ The Boy in the Dress by David Walliams
No One Belongs Here More Than You ¹ by Miranda July
* I'm Just a Person by Tig Notaro
Me Talk Pretty One Day ¹ by David Sedaris - I have absolutely no memory of this book whatsoever.
Cringeworthy ¹ by Melissa Dahl
The Duke with the Dragon Tattoo by Kerrigan Byrne
Coraline ¹ by Neil Gaiman
♥ Tales of the City ¹ by Armistead Maupin
♥ The Duke and I by Julia Quinn
The World is Round ¹ by Gertrude Stein
The Camino ¹ ² by Shirley MacLaine
* The Year of Magical Thinking ¹ by Joan Didion - My first Joan Didion book and I will definitely be checking out her other work very soon.
♥ Further Tales of the City ¹ by Armistead Maupin - I had to listen to this book because it was read by Frances McDormand. Oh how I wish she had read the entire series and not just Tales and Further Tales.
* The Big Tiny ¹ by Dee Williams
* Babycakes by Armistead Maupin
The Gifts of Imperfection ¹ by Brené Brown
♥ Grandpa's Great Escape ¹ by David Walliams
abandoned:
Uncommon Type ¹ by Tom Hanks
Wildflower ¹ by Drew Barrymore

October: 
♥ Keep Moving ¹ by Dick Van Dyke
* Carrie and Me ¹ by Carol Burnett - Carol Burnett's book for her daughter and everything they all went through regarding her addictions showed the side of a woman not often seen - her strength. She always seems happy-go-lucky and carefree, which I'm sure she is, but this book showcased her determination to do everything she possibly could to help her child overcome something that could have easily swallowed her whole. I was extremely impressed by her outstanding parenting skills and dedication to family.
* It's Always Something ¹ ² by Gilda Radner
* Ghost Buddy: Zero to Hero ¹ by Henry Winkler and Lin Oliver
The Midnight Gang by David Walliams
♥ The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn
* Jaws ¹ by Peter Benchley - The first chapter of this book, where the story unfolds from the shark's point of view, had me terrified! I was driving home late at night and was seriously spooked. Aside from some of the side stories about Chief Brody's wife Ellen, which dragged a bit, this was damn good entertainment.
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury - This was one of those required reading books in high school that I never bothered to crack open. It was decent enough and Tim Robbins narration was excellent. (But his telling of The Great Gatsby is sublime. I listened to it years ago and wish he'd do more audiobooks.)
* Anthem ¹ by Ayn Rand - When I saw a short Ayn Rand novel, I had to give it a listen.
An Offer From a Gentleman by Julia Quinn
♥ Bid Time Return ¹ by Richard Matheson - I knew this story from the film Somewhere in Time but the ending still killed me. I was reduced to a sobbing mess.
* Romancing Mr. Bridgerton by Julia Quinn
* A Stir of Echoes ¹ by Richard Matheson - Another engrossing Richard Matheson story.
Dream Animals by Emily Winfield Martin
Hell House ¹ by Richard Matheson
* Of Mice and Men ¹ by John Steinbeck - Beautifully read by Gary Sinise, whose film version is pure perfection.
A Man Without a Country ¹ by Kurt Vonnegut
* As You Wish ¹ by Cary Elwes - Cary Elwes and crew tell us all about the making of one of the most memorable and delightful movies of all time and it was such a treat.
♥ Dog Man: Unleashed by Dav Pilkey
* The Amityville Horror ¹ by Jay Anson - Very well written and mega creepy.
* My Stroke of Luck ¹ by Kirk Douglas - Kirk Douglas read the beginning and end of his account of the stroke he had in 1996 with his son Michael reading everything in between.
* Charlotte's Web ¹ by E.B. White
* Significant Others by Armistead Maupin
* Girl Walks Into A Bar ¹ by Rachel Dratch - So nice to get to know more about Rachel Dratch, who always came across as down to earth and zany. Her book proves that.
The Time Machine ¹ by H.G. Wells
*Black Like Me ¹ by John Howard Griffin - One of those books that I had always heard about but never read. Extremely interesting.
* If This Isn't Nice, What Is? ¹ by Kurt Vonnegut - Kurt Vonnegut's collection of commencement speeches is so worth a listen.
♥ Sure of You by Armistead Maupin
♥ If Chins Could Kill ¹ by Bruce Campbell - I met Bruce Campbell in June of 2001 and it's taken me this long to finally read, or rather, have Bruce read his book to me. It was so good that I felt sad and a lil' guilty that I hadn't picked it up sooner.
* I Feel Bad About My Neck ¹ by Nora Ephron - Nora Ephron had me cracking up with this book and hearing her read it was the cherry on top.
* Lullaby ¹ by Jonathan Maberry - This was a free short story that I got with my Audible membership and I liked it, especially with Scott Brick reading it. Oh that man is too good.
* Goosebumps: You Can't Scare Me by R.L. Stine
On Her Majesty's Secret Service ¹ by Ian Fleming - I was swooning listening to David Tennant, but in the end, it was a Bond book and clearly written for men from a different era. Just not my thing.
* I Remember Nothing ¹ by Nora Ephron - Another hit from the fabulous Nora Ephron.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ¹ by Lewis Carroll
* An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge by Ambrose Bierce
abandoned:
Still Foolin' 'Em ¹ by Billy Crystal - I love Billy Crystal, but this book felt like it was straight out of some routine by a comic in the 1950s at a Catskills resort. And not in a good way.
Treasure Island ¹ by Robert Louis Stevenson
A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning ¹ by Lemony Snicket - God-awful audiobook - I was hoping to have Tim Curry read to me but the sound effects and the other actors reading each character was not my cup of tea. I loved the book when I read it years ago, but this audiobook...horrible.

November: 
* Mr. Stink ¹ by David Walliams
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ¹ by Ian Fleming
Mary Poppins ¹ by P.L. Travers
♥ Michael Tolliver Lives by Armistead Maupin
* Around the World in 80 Days ¹ by Jules Verne - Jim Dale. He's one of the best in the biz and this story was an escape from reality and just so delivered a wonderful ending. I really, really liked it.
♥ Michael Tolliver Lives ¹ by Armistead Maupin
* Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day ¹ by Winifred Watson - Frances McDormand read the audiobook and as soon as it was done I had to find my copy of the film and re-watch it for the dozen-th time.
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson
* From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler ¹ by E.L. Konigsburg - Brilliantly read by Jill Clayburgh.
* Little Leaders ¹ by Vashti Harrison
* The Power of Compassion ¹ ² by His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama
* Maybe the Moon by Armistead Maupin
♥ The Exorcist ¹ by William Peter Blatty
The Da Vinci Code ¹ by Dan Brown - This started out strong then lost me toward the end.
* Rosemary's Baby ¹ by Ira Levin - Mia Farrow's reading of this was exceptional. I was hanging on her every word.
* The BFG ¹ by Roald Dahl - I had tried to listen to this book as read by David Walliams but just couldn't get into it. That was in April. I gave it another go and really enjoyed it! Made me want to check out lots more from Roald Dahl.
* James and the Giant Peach ¹ by Roald Dahl
* The Camera My Mother Gave Me ¹ by Susanna Kaysen
* George's Marvelous Medicine ¹ by Roald Dahl
abandoned:
From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler ¹ by E.L. Konigsburg (note that this version was read by Jan Miner)
Motherless Brooklyn ¹ by Jonathan Lethem
Notorious RBG ¹ by Irin Carmon and Shana Knizhnik
Sin Bravely ¹ by Maggie Rowe
Astrophysics for People in a Hurry ¹ by Neil deGrasse Tyson - I am just not an intellectual and couldn't focus and follow along. Maybe I'll try it again some other time.

December:
* The Godfather ¹ by Mario Puzzo
* Mary Ann in Autumn by Armistead Maupin
* And The Band Played On ¹ by Randy Shilts
* A Bear Called Paddington ¹ by Michael Bond - Stephen Fry was so good as the narrator!
♥ Logical Family ¹ by Armistead Maupin
* Christmas in Plains ¹ by Jimmy Carter - Jimmy Carter is a lovely man and his voice is almost as soothing as Bob Ross'!
* Matilda ¹ by Roald Dahl - Wow. Kate Winslet had me in stitches with this! I can't believe it took me this long to become addicted to Roald Dahl's books.
Chicken With Plums by Marjane Satrapi
My Father's Dragon ¹ by Ruth Stiles Gannett - Jackson and I listened to the audio version, but I still prefer my own inner voices and turning the pages. This was a book I found in the library at my grade school and I've loved it ever since.
The Days of Anna Madrigal by Armistead Maupin
* The Mayor of Castro Street ¹ by Randy Shilts
* A Wallflower Christmas by Lisa Kleypas
♥ Kisses, She Wrote by Katharine Ashe - After two very serious books this month I wanted to end on a frivolous holiday note. This novella from Katharine Ashe was a great end to my year of reading and the main characters were endearing as hell.
abandoned: 
Octopussy/The Living Daylights ¹ by Ian Fleming
Dumplin' ¹ by Julie Murphy

Clearly I read a fair amount of silly historical romances in the beginning of the year but then got into scary audiobooks in October and ended the year with loads of young adult stories from Roald Dahl and of course, the Tales of the City series. What I learned: I do not like audiobooks or regular books on serious topics that are written in relaxed, "wink-wink, nudge-nudge", voices. I understand an author’s desire to connect to the reader and not come across as a textbook, but the "am I right?"s and "ya know?!"s feel glib. As if the author wasn't 100% serious about their subject. I also resent authors who read an abridged (!!!) version of their own story (John Le Carre, I'm talking to you). Except in Gilda's case, since she was extremely ill at the time of the reading and passed away a month later. Then again, the world would forgive Gilda for just about anything. I hope to continue reading lots and lots in the coming years and writing even more.

If it's true that you can tell a lot about someone by the books they read, I wonder what mine say about me? Do the romance novels paint me as a hopeless romantic or a sad-sack spinster? Am I a coming-into-his-own gay man, trying to read up on the countless lives lost to a plague and longing to have lived life in 1970s San Francisco? Perhaps I'm a seven year old child that loves tall tales and silly stories about a half-dog half-cop or a sneaker wearing raccoon. Or maybe I'm a stately old granny that voted for Jimmy Carter, enjoys a love story set in the 1890s, and admires people my age like Carol Burnett, Dick Van Dyke, and Betty White. Then again, I could be a lazy teenager trying to get through required reading from Ray Bradbury, Steinbeck, and Wells who sneaks in a James Bond book every now and then. I like to think that I'm complex enough to be a bit of all these.

¹ - audiobook
² - abridged version
* - liked
♥ - loved
Any unmarked titles were, in my opinion, so-so. Those that were abandoned were deemed dreadful and not worthy of my time or too tough to follow.

TIPS:
For copies of any of Armistead Maupin's works, please visit his website here and as of this writing, you can request a signed copy from the man himself. Does it get any better than that? I say nay-nay!

David Walliams books are fun for anyone at any age and I can't recommend them enough. Please visit his site for more info and to find out what's coming up next.

My Christmas

Yesterday I did sod all. Just sat on my arse and watched movies - Rudolph, Hitched for the Holidays, The Gathering (of course!), and the Christmas Special 2016 for Last Tango in Halifax. I also ate every remaining cookie in my house and opened all the gifts I bought myself, as is my sad-sack spinster tradition. I started my day by once again being wished a happy holiday by my Wii. Ain't he the sweetest? (and yes I do realise that this post is interesting only to me, but no one reads this blog but me, so there!)

Then it was massive amounts of texts with friends and family and these were my faves, starting with Bishop:

(this one is from Terri from last night) 

 

 

And here's the goodies I scored: