I Am Fredo

Alright, so, I'm real good at like, stupid pop culture trivia both past and present, but aside from that, I don't really have any knowledge on any one subject enough to wax philosophic and sound smart in the least. However, not too long ago I was out to dinner with some gals from the office and they so thought I was the funkin' smartest broad in town. Kathryn was talking about her father and all of his health problems. She was saying that his health has been declining for a while now and she worries about him because he's a hemophiliac. Melanie asks what a hemophiliac is and I tell her that it's someone with a blood disorder wherein the blood does not coagulate, so that whenever the skin is broken in any way, the blood simply cannot clot and therefore it can become life threatening. So, I felt kinda like a little smarty pants getting to say big words like 'coagulate' and 'life threatening.' Melanie asks how to cure it and Kat tells her that there's no cure but that her dad has Factor at the house. Mel and Lauryn look puzzled, so then I turn to them and explain that Factor VIII is basically the good parts of blood that aid in clotting. That Factor comes from a number of donors and hemophiliacs keep it on hand in case of bleeding. At this point, they are getting a little impressed. Then Kat continued to say that her father also has Hepatitis C and I say, 'Oh, from the transfusions.' Now Kat was looking slightly confused and amazed and says, 'Yeah, they think he got it between like 1984 and 1989....' My reply? 'Yeah, he's lucky that he only contracted Hep C from the transfusions, because the CDC couldn't get the blood banks to test the samples for hepatitis and especially AIDS until it was way late in the game.' Now everyone's thinking that they have no idea who this chick is at their table, cuz she sure isn't the weirdo goofball they used to work with. Then I bowled 'em over with this last one. Kat goes on to say that on top of all of that, his shoulder is deteriorating and he has scar tissue from the catheter below his clavicle. Mel and Lauryn once again are like 'Huh?' because a catheter is primarily used to drain urine. Here's where I shine: 'Oh, you mean his port-a-cath?' Kat: 'Um....yeah....I think that's actually what it's called....' I then explain to them that a port-a-cath is surgically implanted beneath the skin and can be worn for extremely long periods of time and allows the person to receive injections without constantly being stuck with needles, which as I had stated earlier, for a hemophiliac, can lead to death. This was the point where Melanie blurted out, 'What the fuck. Are you like a med student now or what??' Me: 'Nah, I'm just wicked smart.' I kinda am.