Coffee Time

Live from the diner on the outskirts of The Dark Forest, Coffee Time marks the sixteenth broadcast of my favourite radio programme. Rickster Rick is hosting this episode from a tan naughahyde booth way in the back corner of the diner where Alonso the barista has played on him a cruel joke. He slipped our darling host a cup of the Borders Blend. Bleck! What could possibly be worse? What Rickster Rick doesn't know is that I dropped in earlier that week and told Alonso to change our hero's usual cup of decadent black-as-pitch coffee to one known in several circles as Satan's urine sample. After recovering, Rickster Rick treated us to many a fabulous song dedicated to that divine drink made from a plant. This is one of the best broadcasts in my opinion because the host and I first met in a small café where I slung coffee so many years ago. But let's get back to the music, shall we?

In between tracks like Bob Marley's "One Cup of Coffee" and "Java Jive" by the Ink Spots are Maxwell House adverts from George Burns and Gracie Allen as well as the jingle for Chock Full of Nuts (that heavenly coffee). The gem of the evening was listening to Bob Dylan wax philosophic about "The amber liquid of life...the common man's gold and like gold it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility." Later in the broadcast, Dylan quotes Charles Maurice de Talleyrand's idea of the perfect cup of coffee: "Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel and sweet as love. And as good as a cup of coffee is, it's even better with a cigarette." You got that right, Bobby. Otis Redding most certainly agrees with that sentiment with his gorgeous "Cigarettes and Coffee."

Other fabulous tracks are The Boswell Sisters' "Coffee in the Morning and Kisses in the Night," Marlene Dietrich's "You're the Cream in My Coffee," Jen Rathbun's "Coffee, Chocolate, and Men," and Kate Bush performing "Coffee Homeground." After Scatman Crothers tells us to "Keep That Coffee Hot!" we move on to Ella Mae Morse's "Forty Cups of Coffee" which has our host, Rickster Rick state in his dry sense of humour, "Talk about jittery..."

The evening's classic moment is when Rickster Rick advises Squeeze after their performance of "Black Coffee in Bed" that "stirring a little black coffee in bed is really not a good idea, folks. Uh, stain the sheets, ya know." Let that be a lesson to you coffee-in-bed drinkers. The evening draws to a close with Lullatone's "Morning Coffee" which truly does sound like coffee percolating. Another splendid broadcast from The Dark Forest.