Saturday, May 13, 2023

10 Questions to Ask Yourself

Questions taken from In The Moment magazine Issue 28 August 2019. 

- Who am I most connected to and why?
Myself. I have many dear friends and close family members but since Ashlee and I have lost our friendship, I don't really feel strongly connected to anyone. I feel very alone because everyone in my life has someone else. Emily has her kids, Marina has her son and brother, my brothers have their partners and children, the kids have their Mom and Dad, Bishop has his husband, Natalia has Brett and Teo, and Kayla and Bella both have their mothers and their partners. So that leaves me with no one but myself. But I will say that when I first read the sentence the first name that came to mind was Aunt June.

- Who gives me the most comfort?
Natalia. We are so alike in so many ways that she really is my Gemini twin. I can talk things through with her and spill my guts and she listens, she empathises, and she hears me. When I say that "I'm the ugly girl in the back of the room" she doesn't give the knee-jerk response of "no you're not!...." She knows that this is how I feel and how I have felt for decades. She never dismisses me but understands me in a way that few in my life really do. We have only been in eachother's physical presence five times since September 2015, but there is a bond we share that I absolutely cherish.

- What are my fears? Why?
I don't like to speak of my fears or put them down in print because I never want to give them a voice.

- What are my core values - why do they matter to me and others?
Kindness is paramount. I don't always act in kindness but I do strive for it. I want to be helpful and have people like and appreciate me; to always feel like they can depend on me for a ride to the airport, for advice, book and film recommendations, or just good conversation.

 - Which strength am I most grateful for?
My open-mindedness. I’m fearful of nearly everything but I push myself as often as I can to try new experiences. Having an open mind about people and lifestyles has helped introduce me to different cultures and develop an appreciation for nearly all things. It has also led me to some extraordinary friendships. 

- If I could change one small thing to make my life better, what would it be?
To have a small home on a secluded patch of land all to myself. I would love to have a successful career as a full-time writer, to be in great physical shape with extraordinary good health, or to find that one true love but if I could have a place where I felt safe, I know that I could cope with the hardships of life a bit better.

- What are my proudest moments? Why?
Being there for Kayla and helping her to gain self esteem and pushing her to believe in her goodness and beauty.

- What makes me unique?
My weird, wacky thoughts and sense of humour.

- What do I do to show myself love?
Eat, especially pizza and root beer and cookies. Allow myself to be lazy. Sleep. Buy things for my inner child, especially things I wanted as a kid but never got. 

- If I had no fear about being hungry or homeless, where would I be in one year?
Living in Dublin, working wherever I wanted so as to pay the bills and stay on the Irish National Health. Maybe I'll work at one of the museums, Blazing Salads, The Gate Theatre, Hodges Figgis, and the Chester Beatty. Work a little at all or most and meet new people, have new experiences, and start a new life where no one knows my past and judges me as I am right now.

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