"It gets better"

I hate this saying when applied to mental health. "You're depressed now, but don't kill yourself - IT GETS BETTER!" Ugh. Insert eye-rolling emoji here. When someone says that things will get better, I always think quietly to myself, "not for me it hasn't." Every day I feel like I am living in a black hole. There's no light ahead, signaling of "the better", only more darkness with each aspect of my life feeling utterly hopeless all the time. Then yesterday I checked Post Secret, read the following, and felt profoundly unalone in my sadness:

It Gets Better?

To: “frank” <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: “it gets better”

Hi Frank,

Sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if, among the sea of “it gets better” sentiments, there are people who acknowledge that sometimes it doesn’t? My failed attempt was 29 years ago and it has not in fact gotten better. I tried so hard for such a long time to get better and be happy, but every year that passes leaves me more and more hopeless. But I’ve never seen anyone express this sentiment.

Everyone insists sunshine and rainbows and self-actualization are all just around the bend. I never express my hopeless sentiment because I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s happiness. Are the others like me just doing what I’m doing, keeping quiet so as not to burden anyone else? Or am I the only one?

I feel like the only one.

I’m so lonely and hopeless and exhausted and I would love to know if there are people out there who also know that “it gets better” isn’t always true. 

~~~

From: Frank Warren <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: Re: “it gets better”

I do get some of those secrets, I will try to post a few more. 

In the meantime, I’ll share your message on social media tomorrow. We can watch the responses you get. 

Thanks for your message.

Cheers,

-Frank

~~~

“Finally! Someone telling it like it really is. Thank you brave person! Sending you love.”

“Oh man… You are so not alone. I wish I had something profound to say.”

“Hi there, not alone. Thank you for putting what I feel into words.”

“You’re definitely not alone on this one. I’ve been trying to survive one day at a time for more than a decade.”

“Can I just give you all a hug and let you know you are seen? And I hope you choose to stay?”

“I felt this in my soul.”

~~~

To: “frank” <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: “it gets better”

What an incredible gift you’ve given me. You could have replied with a simple answer (which I also would have appreciated so much), but instead you gave me a front-row seat to witness the answer unfold in real time. You simultaneously showed me the view from your huge platform while also shielding me with the safety of anonymity.

I’ve read every single comment and am floored at how many others are out there feeling the same as me. For so long I’ve felt so insubstantial, like I could fall in the water and not make a single ripple. This experience made me feel like a real human person who is allowed to feel actual connection to other humans. I don’t have the words for how grateful I am. 

Thank you so much for giving me the experience of hundreds of messages in bottles washing up on my shore. 

~~~

“Sometimes ‘it doesn’t get worse’ is ok too.”

“I found ‘just take another breath’ more useful than ‘it gets better’.” And I did…

“It hasn’t gotten better for me. I’m in pain every single day. It never ends. But sometimes I find a cool book to read or a game to play, and I’ll want to find out what happens next. So I’m still here.”

“My moto is ‘oh no, it’s tomorrow again’. So you’re definitely not the odd one out.”

~~~

From: Frank Warren <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: Re: “it gets better”

PostSecret has shared a secret with me, over and over – no one is alone with their secret.

Your post was seen by over a million people and I know many of them found solace discovering that they were not alone with their secret.

Thanks for being brave enough to speak our story.

Be well,

-Frank

May the universe bless Heather Moore with all green lights, coupons for a free beverage at their favourite café, cool breezes on hot days, warm hugs on cold ones, never finding hair in their food, a life free from stubbed toes and brain freezes, and an incredible sense of peace and great self-worth, all for that beautiful statement.  

Natalia in Panama

After the trip to Lima, Natalia, Brett, and Teo stopped for a handful of days in Panama, where they stayed at a lovely apartment and saw monkeys in the jungle!! Since Natalia is the bestest, she kept me up to date via Signal and it was so fun to experience it from afar.

Natalia's Peruvian Adventure!

Natalia had a fabulous time in Perú and sent me pictures from museums, of local architecture, street art, and gi-wombus flowers! The best though was the photo of three women that she met, one of whom was carrying, in her backpack wrap thing) the cutest little baby ever.

What the hell??!?!

The award for grossiest sandwich imaginable, possibly even worse than Gidget's Heartbreak Special goes to.......this bizarre dream I had back in 2020.

Destination Doughs

If it were up to me, I'd have made a Belgian chocolate filled doughnie and then an Amalfi lemon filled, in honour of Positano. For the third...how about baklava flavoured with a filo dough top and stuffed with gooey bits of pistachio to make me think of traveling to Greece or Armenia. It's good to dream!!

June 2026 Books

** Aggie Morton, Mystery Queen: The Seaside Corpse by Marthe Jocelyn with illustrations by Isabelle Follath - My god! The writing by Jocelyn is damn near poetic at times. Scratch that, it is poetic. There was a bit at the start of a chapter when Aggie is in a tent by the seashore and the description was so good that I could hear the light passing of a breeze against the tent and the surf lapping against the sandy pebbled beach. I even took a photo of the page so I would remember to share it here: But the white canvas glowed in today's early sunshine, making it seem that I had slept inside a seashell. The rolling murmur of waves was as steady as blood through a vein. I love when an author overly describes things because it allows me to jump into the story as if I were Mary Poppins with Bert and the children, popping in to the chalk painting and becoming a part of it. I was able to peer over Aggie's shoulder and watch the unearthing of a new dinosaur and sit beside her in the tent gazing in amazement as Hector volunteered in the circus show. I so, so hope that more is to come in this fantastic series.

♥ Narwhal Peanut Butter and Jelly by Ben Clanton - I thought no series could be cuter than Dog Man by Dav Pilkey, but then I discovered Narwhal and Jelly, the stinkin' cutiest cute-cutes in all the land. Or, sea rather. Regardless of where they roam, Narwhal and Jelly are adorable to the max and I look forward to one day having every book in the series. This one is about a narwhal that eats only waffles until he is introduced to peanut butter cookies by his jellyfish pal. Who wouldn't want to read a story like that? Well, if such a person exists, I do not want them in my circle of friends, that's for sure.

Penny Parker Mystery Stories: Tale of the Witch Doll by Mildred A. Wirt - I had high hopes that this series of books by my favourite Nancy Drew author would be a new go-to for relaxing reads in between heavier ones. Nope. It was blah and I put it in one of the Little Free Library boxes right after I was done with it. Wholly unmemorable.

¹ - audiobook
² - abridged version
* - liked
♥ - loved
Any unmarked titles were, in my opinion, so-so.

May 2026 Books

♥ Aggie Morton, Mystery Queen: The Body Under the Piano by Marthe Jocelyn with illustrations by Isabelle Follath - I am hooked on this series! I started with the third book, since it was the only one available at the book shop I was in, and liked it so much I bought the other three books. The Body Under the Piano was the one that started it all and I loved learning how Hector and Aggie met and became friends. The next book takes place at Christmastime, so I'm saving it for December. On to book four!

Post Script:

A Little Life ¹ by Hanya Yanagihara - I can't remember a character I identified with more than Jude St. Francis, the man at the center of Yanagihara's disturbing and distressing book. I only made it 58% through the audiobook and had to give up. I Googled the plotline because I wanted something good to happen to Jude but it never did. Or rather, the scraps of happiness he experienced never made up for the horror that was inflicted upon him. Listening to the exceptional Matt Bomer narrate and tell me one despicable thing after another that happened to Jude from childhood onward became exhausting. I spent an entire two and a half hour car ride to Phoenixville in tears, feeling crushed that little boy Jude was so unloved and uncared for. He eventually found a group of wonderful men that saw his goodness and beauty but no matter what, the trauma that Jude went through was too much and he never believed that anyone would ever love him for real. It got to a point where I became angry with Yanagihara for hurting Jude. Like when we were all furious with the writers of Downton Abbey for having our beloved Anna be raped in season four. Don't make me love someone and then hurt them and expect me to keep coming back for more. It got to where I was having trouble sleeping because I would just remember and replay all the sexual trauma that sweet Jude went through, only to find that his entire life was tragic and awful. (And I do not think a handful of moments with great friends makes up for decades of abuse and neglect.) I returned it to Libby early and put on The Nanny to push away the heartache of meeting Jude St. Francis and then having to find out the cruelty he suffered. (It's a known fact that Fran Drescher can heal all emotional pain. I turn to that series when I need to feel peace and to crack up laughing. It never disappoints.) I'm finally getting around to posting this in July and still, at least every other day I think of Jude. A sweet, caring, broken man who I came to love and continue to feel enraged at what Yanagihara subjected him to. How dare she. I'll never read another thing she wrote for asa long as I live.

¹ - audiobook
² - abridged version
* - liked
♥ - loved
Any unmarked titles were, in my opinion, so-so.