Christina Applegate...

I've always loved you. In my youth, I was one of those kids who were never allowed to watch Married with Children. My mother loathes the word slut. So much so that when bringing new friends home, we would pause at the threshold and prior to opening the screen door, I would turn to whoever: Jacob, Jenny, Audra, Buddy, Bishop, et cetera, that no matter what they did, under NO circumstances are they to say the word "slut" in front of my mother. Oh, and don't say anything positive about Goodfellas. My mother hates that movie. But like most children, I knew someone who did not have parental supervision like I did, and that person was Rachel. She was one of those latchkey kids whose parents both worked and didn't have time to be concerned about unattractive language on a Fox television show. And God bless them for that. As soon as I caught my first glimpse of you, Ms. Applegate, I knew that you were thee most beautiful girl in the whole world. Rachel decided to write to you and I followed suit. So when I was twelve years old I wrote you a fan letter on Garfield paper and sent it out to Hollywood. Getting this response from you was the highlight of the 80s for me and I've followed you ever since, and Lady, you still rock!

(is that the baddest most far-out fan letter response you've ever read? you're god damn right it is.)