Thrown Away

I always feel like I'm the one that's reaching out to friends to hold things together. To make plans. And I always wind up feeling like shit and like I'm a bother when I say "hi, i miss you, wanna hang out?" I'm already prone to paranoia, but when I don't get a reply, how else can I interpret the silence aside from that they just don't give a damn about me or our friendship anymore? And when people eventually reply (usually when they want something) and apologise, saying they are sooo busy, all I can think is y'know what? You are not currently President Zelenskyy who is actually busy as fuck, so your excuse of having kids is pathetic and a complete cop out. Recently I've decided to step back. To only hang out with friends and family that actively want to spend time with me, and sod all the rest.

So for me, there'll be no more random texts to say hello, no more cheery postcards in the mail, and no more communication whatsoever. I. Am. Done. You don't have time for me? Fine. Message received. Thankfully most of my closest pals that are childless (Amy, Bishop, Wayne, Lauryn, Kay, & Bella) seem to realise the importance of friendships. A little thing to ponder for the ones that do have kids: you had better work your asses off to cultivate the best marriage in history because when those kids is grown, you ain't gonna have a single friend left but the one you married. 

NOTE: Amy and I have had a five plus year run of not missing a single month of seeing one another in person or via FaceTime. More than half the months it is Amy that reminds me of our need to get together. And she's a full time employee at a University where she is also required to do field work outside of office hours AND is a full time freakin' farmer with a husband, and an elderly mother-in-law to care for, plus dealing with preparing a second home on their property for said mother-in-law. Thank Jesus that I was smart enough at two years of age to select Amy as my best friend.