Free to Be

At an early age I was made all too aware of the fact that I do not have the right look. I am not conventionally attractive and I haven't been what one would call pretty since I was about eight years old. As a female in America, it is nearly impossible to grow up and not be fully conscious of who you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to look and behave. So much of who a female becomes is determined by those she will never know. This was never made any clearer than in John Lennon's incredibly insightful and remarkable feminist anthem Woman is the Nigger of the World.

We insult her every day on TV
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she's young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb

The images that surround us are difficult to ignore. So as not to be inundated with society's ideal image of a female, I don't read magazines, listen to the radio, read the newspaper and I don't have television or internet. The only time I go online is at my mum's to check email, update my Netflix queue (I have a TV and a DVD player but no reception and no cable), order books, do some occasional research and work on my blog. I don't belong to any social networks, unless you include Instagram, and even with that, I only follow my nieces and nephews and a small handful of close friends. I don't need to stalk former lovers or concern myself with who unfriends who on FaceBook. It just isn't my thing.

I suppose the reason I avoid the media is because I have enough problems dealing with people and their opinion of how and what I look like on a daily basis; I don't need to look through perfume and shoe ads to feel worse. I know I will never look like the people on TV or on billboards and at this point in my life I'm pretty much okay with how I look. What I am not okay with, and what I struggle with constantly, is how other people see me. I am fortunate that the people who I share my life with know me and love me for who I am as an individual. They like me for my sense of humour, compassion, energy, kindness, manners, affection, and my support and advice. But the sad thing that I have discovered is that a woman without beauty has no value in this world. Physical beauty is fleeting but kindness is eternally beautiful, yet so few of us know this. As a feminist and as a woman approaching my forties, it is increasingly disheartening to see how females are perceived and treated in this world. I sincerely worry about the children in my life and how they will feel and who they will become based on what they see in the media. How much longer until they are broken down and begin to feel that they are not good enough, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Instilling self confidence and self worth in a child, especially a female, is a job more difficult than coal mining or picking cotton in Georgia in August.

Even though I knew that I never quite measured up to the standard ideal, I'm lucky in that I've never felt the need to change who I am or how I look. I am not a woman who feels comfortable with long hair so I keep it short, which is not something that the majority of men find desirable. I haven't the time nor the inclination to spend hours applying makeup, so I don't. I rarely wear a dress, and if I do, it's probably over jeans or leggings. This dates back to when I was five years old. In nursery school, recess was all about making a mad dash to the big wheels, of which there were three, and to take off around the parking lot. The one day I got to claim a big wheel, I was told by my teacher that I was forbidden to ride it seeing that I was in a dress and it was not proper. There ya go. If wearing a dress means that I can't do everything that I want, then I will go the Katharine Hepburn route and be fabulous in trousers. Which I totally am. I honestly cannot be anything other than the truest version of myself.

In regards to my looks, I have always felt kinda bad for my parents because, as the only female child, I imagine that they would want their friends to say, "Oh, your daughter is beautiful," as that is the compliment most heard given to the parents of a daughter. Second runner up is how "bright" she is. Instead, my parents have always had to hear that I'm funny, or the absolute worst compliment, "She's got a great personality." That's code for "your daughter is a swamp monster who will die alone with her knitting needles and cats, but at least she has a pleasant way about her." Dear reader, should you ever feel the words "great personality" about to escape your lips, do yourself and the world a favour and suppress the urge to speak them.

I guess the reason for this little rant is to just remind people that while everyone enjoys a pretty face, perhaps take the time to realise that true and everlasting beauty is something far greater than can be measured by the human eye. Look closer and recognise that we are all individuals and we are all exceptional; it's just harder to see in some people. Be that person that takes the time to find the beauty in everyone and everything.